'I don’t want to be forced to choose between my boyfriend and my cats': Kitten chaos and a notebook fiasco push these new pawrents toward training, patience, and a path to harmony

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Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Sep 10, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Two hoomans, two cats, one apartment, and a lot of love-in-progress. After nearly three years together, this couple finally moved into their own place and adopted two felines this summer: a nine-month teen and a three-week baby. The baby is a tiny chaos intern, ripping notes, raiding snacks, and toppling whatever isn't nailed down, but the purrks are real. There are couch cuddles, rumbling purring motors, and the feeling these aren't just pets but family. One partner is fully smitten and already archiving every silly snapshot.

The other partner is overwhelmed. He has called the adoption a regret and floated rehoming, especially after a shredded notes incident. Even so, they keep talking, keep trying, and keep looking for ways to turn mayhem into manageable. Small wins appear: solid naps, longer calm stretches after play, and tiny moments where the kitten chooses snuggles over shenanigans.

Right now one heart hears purrs, one brain hears pressure. With time, humor, and clearer routines, this can shift from paper-shredding cliffhanger to warm-and-fuzzy sitcom. Love exists, mess exists, and hope still curls on the couch, kneading a future where everyone, including the floofs, can thrive.

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  • 01
    'My boyfriend says adopting them was his biggest regret'
    via jamesjoong / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (20M) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for almost 3 years. For most of that time, we lived with my parents because his home situation wasn't great. About a year ago, we finally got our own apartment and it's been amazing, until recently.
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 03
    At the start of this summer, we adopted two cats. We both grew up with cats and always wanted one together. When we adopted them, they were 3 weeks and 9 months old, so one of them was still a baby. He's very mischievous, rips things, gets into food, makes messes, and sometimes breaks things. Despite that, I love them. They're sweet, cuddly, and I feel like they truly love and trust us.
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10552072448
    via Cunaplus_M.Faba / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    The problem is my boyfriend says adopting them was his biggest regret. He tells me he doesn't love them and even hates them. This has caused huge issues in our relationship. We've had many conversations over the summer:
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 06
    I've made it clear I don't want to get rid of them, and he's made it clear that he does. For now, we've always decided to keep them and try to train them, but his patience is wearing thin.
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10552063232
    via Radevich Tatiana / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    The breaking point was when one of the cats tore up his school notes, he was furious, and now he says again that he wants them gone. I don't want to be forced to choose between my boyfriend and my cats. I love him deeply, but these cats feel like my babies, and I would be devastated if I had to give them up.
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 09
    How can I approach him in a way that might make him more open to keeping them? Or is this one of those situations where I have to face the possibility that we're not compatible?
    via Objective_Spell4087
  • 10
    MckittenMan Probably long term incompatible here. Pets can mean just as much as kids. Someone wants to always have a pet in their home because they love it, but the other can't stand pets... Its not a good mix.
    via MckittenMan
  • 11
    I wouldn't give up my pets either. I love animals. Couldn't imagine a life without them. Need to be with fellow animal lovers long term. Not to mention, they are young cats, they're going to take some time before they settle down and learn.
    via MckittenMan

  • Honestly, this might be a compatibility flag. If he isn’t willing to give the kittens time to grow out of chaos mode, he may not be your person.

  • 12
    Even_Budget2078 As a lifelong pet owner, please first really acknowledge how frustrating and upsetting losing his school notes was. Don't shift blame (you should have put them away) or justify. Just really acknowledge how upsetting that is.
    via Even_Budget2078
  • 13
    Second, step up big time on the training. Show him you are taking it serious and do it. The kitten should not be getting into food. Be always on alert and kitten-proof your home. Put food away. Kitten not allowed in kitchen. Proper trash cans that can't be opened. No leaving groceries on counter-top.
    via Even_Budget2078
  • 14
    Lastly, I sincerely hope you understand the commitment you made to these two cats, particularly as they are bonded. You cannot give them away, that would make you a horrible person (sorry, but not sorry, it is true). Be upfront with him about that. Not so much on the you love them part, but that abandoning living things
    via Even_Budget2078
  • 15
    that rely on you is extremely harmful to the cats and is not an ok thing for anyone to do. If that means you are incompatible, then tell him that's your choice.
    via Even_Budget2078

  • Start by asking for more time and a consistent training plan for the kittens. Patience can make or break this. If progress stalls after a real try, you may end up facing a hard choice.

  • 16
    amyloulie He made the choice to adopt the cats. They aren't just an object to be returned. He either needs to get over his issues or leave (in my cat mama opinion)
    via amyloulie
  • 17
    noorjag Someone has to go. You. Him. The cats. Choose which one.
    via noorjag
  • 18
    Far-Acanthisitta4... I'd for sure keep the cats. That said, perhaps your boyfriend could put his important papers in a safe place the cat won't be able to get into. You can totally empathize with your boyfriend being upset however you both adopted
    via Far-Acanthisitta4641
  • 19
    them so making you get rid of them now is just cruel to both you and the cats. They are your babies now and they're depending on you.
    via Far-Acanthisitta4641

  • Empathize with your boyfriend. Ruined notes are genuinely stressful. The cats also depend on you, so tossing them aside isn’t an option. Validate his frustration and commit to training and prevention together.

  • 20
    PeachBanana8 He sounds pretty flaky and unreliable if he was excited to adopt these cats with you and now is demanding that you get rid of them. Do you want to stay in a relationship with someone whose sense of responsibility is so conditional?
    via PeachBanana8

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Cats boyfriend drama pets relationships adopted feline pawrents
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